Honest Summaries
by Nigel the Octopus
Summary: After being in the Digiworld for a few hours, Tai decides that he needs to summarize their day. And nothing, not even imminent death, is going to stop him. Based on the dub having the characters give a summary of the previous episode.
1. And So it Begins

"So this morning we were all at summer camp and then it started snowing and we found these weird thingies and then we-"

"Tai, what are you doing? We're falling to our deaths!" Sora interrupted. Tai was spreading his arms and legs as far apart as he could and shouting at a random patch of sky. He turned his head towards Sora, who was falling next to him.

"Um, I'm recapping our day. Where was I? Oh yeah! And then we got sent to this random place and met-"

"Why?" Sora again. Didn't she know that this was important?

"You know, just in case any of us decide to write a book about this or something. Now stop interrupting me!"

"Why would any of us write a book about this? How do you know we'll live long enough?" Matt shouted as he fell in an equally awkward position.

"Shut up, Matt! Wait until I'm done recapping to be realistic! Now, as I was saying, we met these creatures called Digimon with names that are really hard to remember, so I'm probably going to forget all of those, and were attacked by a giant red bug! We all ran away like our lives depended on it-"

"They kinda did, Tai." Matt interrupted. Again.

"Stop interrupting me! We got to this really big scary looking cliff and just when we thought we'd lost it, the bug flew up and attacked us! This weird light started glowing and all the Digimon got bigger. They beat the crap out of the bug, but then it broke the cliff and now we're falling! Talk about your cliff hangers!"

"Tai, that wasn't even a good pun. Shame on you!" Izzy said.

"We're falling to our deaths and this is all you people can think about?!" Joe shouted.

And then they hit the water.

* * *

**Author's Note: I got this idea after actually not skipping the recaps at the beginning of the episodes for once. They lie. This story is what I'm pretty sure they'd be saying instead of whatever crap the dub thought counted as a recap.**


	2. The Birth of Greymon

The Digidestined were all celebrating being alive. The record was now two hours. So far, so good. Tai stood up and stared out over the ocean.

"Since my recap of today went so good earlier, I decided to do it again!"

"Again?" TK complained, "Can't we just go do something?"

"But more things happened that we need to know for posterity!"

"I'm surprised you even know the word 'posterity'," Izzy said.

"Shut up! After we hit the water, um, Sealmon-"

"His name's Gomamon!" Joe protested.

"Whatever. _Gomamon _saved us or something. We were on this awesome boat made out of fish and they were all different colors! There were red fish, blue fish, green fish, pink fish, yellow fish-"

"I think we get it, Tai." Sora interrupted.

"Shut up! What if you're telling someone about what happened here and they want to know what color the fish were and _you don't know?_"

"I think that if I'm telling someone about this they won't give a crap what color the fish were," Joe muttered.

Matt covered TK's ears with his hands. "Joe! Watch your language! There are children here!"

"We're all children, Matt," Tai said. "But seriously Joe, you shouldn't say words like that. If my little sister was here I'd have to kill you. Now anyways, as I was saying..."

Tai could hear Joe and Matt having an argument about whether it was okay to kill someone for using the word 'crap'. As much as he liked Matt taking his side for once, he was going to have to block it out and finish his recap.

"The fish let us off on a random beach filled with telephone booths. I called out for pizza while everyone else tried to call home, but none of our calls went through, so I didn't get my pizza. We found out that TK had been holding out on us at camp since he opened up his backpack and it was filled with candy!"

"I said I would share! Can we go now?" TK pleaded.

"Not until I'm done! But you can 'stand guard' and 'protect us'."

"I won't let you down, Tai! C'mon Patamon!" TK and Patamon ran over to the edge of the forest and proceeded to watch for other Digimon.

"Sora, Mimi, and Joe had random stuff that'll probably be useful eventually. While we were trying to divvy up the food, me and Agumon got hungry. We ate a bunch of the food which made the others get mad for some reason. Then this giant pink thing in a shell that I'm gonna name Shellmon attacked. Our Digimon tried attacking but were too tired except for Agumon! He's awesome! Shellmon blasted us all with water and we got wet again. I don't like being wet, it's not that fun. I thought that if our Digimon can fight, so can I so I hit Shellmon with a pipe. It didn't work! Then Agumon went all glowy again and got really, really big! He fought off Shellmon and now we're standing here!" Tai finished before anyone else could interrupt him. "Dudes, this place is wild!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and shook their heads at Tai.

"I'm the leader!" Tai helpfully reminded them. Before he could say anything else, Matt, Sora, Joe, and Izzy gave him a quadruple death glare. "And now I'm running for my life! Wheee!"

"Get back here, Tai!"

"Who died and made you king?"

"I don't like running..."

"C'mon, Izzy, we can still get him!"

"Oh, are we leaving now?" Mimi asked. "Wait for meeeeee!"


	3. Garurumon

Tai opened up his mouth to start summarizing their day, but was cut off before he could get a single word out.

"Well I guess it's my turn to fill you guys in," Matt said, waking everyone else up. What a jerk!

"Um, Matt? What are you doing?" Tai was ticked. How dare Matt want to give the recap today! Didn't he know that was Tai's thing?

"Oh no Matt, not you too!" Joe said. "Who are you even filling in? We were all there!"

"I did the most today, I'm recapping. And you guys were all alseep for like ten minutes." Matt countered. "We walked right into a fight between these rhinosaurs-"

"WAS THAT A PUN?!" Tai was outraged. Now Matt was stealing his comedic gold! Unacceptable. "I won't let you!"

"I don't need your permission. Thankfully, they didn't attack us like everything else that we've seen so far." Matt was even doing a better job ignoring all the interruptions than Tai had been! He had gone too far...

"Agumon hasn't attacked us."

"Yet."

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"

"Nothing. We found an abandoned streetcar by a lake filled with telephone poles and wires. TK asked me if he could go swimming and I said no."

"Can I go swimming now?" TK pleaded.

"NO! It's dangerous! You'll get electrocuted and die!"

"Aw..."

"After that, I sent Gabumon to go sleep by TK to keep him warm, um, I mean because he was making me too hot. I couldn't sleep so I went to go play my harmonica."

"That was you? You woke me up!" Mimi complained. "I need my beauty sleep! Ten hours at the least!"

"Sorry Mimi. Tai was standing guard and I didn't want to talk to him. Then a giant sea dragon came up out of the water and started pulling the island, but only the part with the streetcar. Being awesome, I decided to try and outswim it. It didn't work."

"No, really? I really thought you could swim faster than a _giant sea dragon._ I'm surprised you didn't try punching it in the face," Izzy droned.

"It had a helmet, of course punching it wouldn't work. But thanks for believing in my swimming skills!" Matt replied, completely missing the sarcasm. "Then since Agumon apparently forgot how to get bigger, Gabumon got bigger and saved me from drowning! Thanks, Gabumon!"

"Don't mention it."

"Hey! Agumon was just tired out from earlier!" Tai killed the mood.

"Can I go back to sleep now?" Mimi asked.

"NO!" Tai and Matt shouted in unison.

"Then he beat up the sea dragon and TK told me I was awesome!"

"You are awesome! But you'd be even awesomer if you'd let me go swimming!" TK said.

"No means no, TK! Then I played my harmonica some more and here we are!" Matt looked pretty proud of himself. Hmph. Tai thought his summary was stupid.

"That summary sucked! All you did was argue with TK!" Tai complained.

"Somebody sounds jealous!" Sora teased. Sure, _now_ she was talking. Why couldn't she have interrupted Matt, like she always interrupted Tai?

"WHY DO YOU LOVE MATT MORE THAN ME?!" Tai moaned. Nobody said anything for a while. Sora was awkwardly staring at the ground and Matt was glaring at Tai.

"Yeah...I'm just going to go to sleep now. Wake me up when you guys figure out this dumb love triangle!" Joe said.

"No, Joe! You can't go to sleep yet!" Tai exclaimed. "Wait... did he just say love triangle?"

"What's a love trianlge?" TK asked. And _then _it got awkward.


	4. Biyomon gets Firepower

"I'm going to give the summary today!"

"No, I am!"

Tai and Matt had been arguing for at least an hour. Sora really wanted them to shut up.

"C'mon, let me let me let me let me!" Tai begged. He was getting more annoying by the second.

"No! So after we -" Matt was starting to give the summary, and Tai didn't like that at all.

"LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" he interrupted loudly. He and Matt proceeded to get into a sissy fight.

"Real mature, guys. I'm giving the summary today just to get you two to stop fighting!" Sora yelled over the incredibly loud fight. "Just when we had finished crossing an uncrossable desert..."

"Um, if we crossed it, wouldn't that make it a crossable desert?" Joe asked as he watched the sissy fight. Things were getting pretty serious. Matt had taken off one of his gloves and was slapping Tai in the face with it. Matt looked at Sora.

"Hey, I was going to give that summary..." Matt complained, slapping Tai in the ear.

"Ow!"

"Well, you're too late. Just when we had finished crossing a huge desert," Sora said, glaring at Joe, "we found a village filled with thousands of Yokomon."

"There were not thousands!" Tai shouted in between slaps, "There were only 93!"

"You counted?" Sora asked, confused.

"They kept asking me annoying questions and I got bored during the fight," he replied.

"So during the fight with Meramon, you were counting Yokomon?" Sora was really ticked off at Tai now. He hadn't even been trying to help!

"Maybe..." Tai guiltily admitted.

"Well, Meramon showed up and attacked the village because he had a huge black gear lodged in his back."

"That's why he was attacking? I thought he was just having some growing pains," Matt said. For the moment, the fight seemed to have been forgotten.

"That joke wasn't funny the first time, Matt," Sora sighed.

"What joke?"

"Never mind. We tried to shove all of the Yokomon in the ship sticking out of the ground, but there were too many of them and Meramon was closing in fast."

"I still think we should've had all the Yokomon get bigger so we could've had an army of Biyomon!" Tai grumbled. He had manged to get away from Matt and was now hiding behind Agumon.

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. And it's called 'digivolving'."

"How do you know?"

"Biyomon told me. And all the Digimon shout out 'Whatevermon_ digivolve to...',_" Sora replied. Tai went to go sulk in a corner. Even though there weren't any, so he ended up just standing behind Izzy.

"I was wondering why they did that..." Izzy said.

"Anyway, Biyomon was standing up on a cliff, waiting for all the Yokomon to get to safety, when suddenly Meramon attacked her! She fell off the cliff and I caught her. Then she digivolved into Birdramon and saved us. Yay Birdramon!" Sora finished. She looked around and saw that Tai was still sulking and Matt was staring at her.

"What are you looking at?" she challenged.

"Um, nothing!" Matt quickly looked at his feet.

"You were staring at me!"

"No! I would never do anything like that!"

"You've been staring at her ever since Tai went all sulky." TK pointed out. Matt glared at his little brother and prepared to get slapped in the face. To his surprise, the slap never came. Instead, he was kicked in both shins. Sora then went to sulk in a corner, but she noticed that there weren't any corners too, so she just stormed off in the opposite direction from Matt.

"Oooow." Matt groaned. He was curled up on the ground, holding his shins.

"You kinda deserved that," Joe said. "Maybe you should go apologize to her."

"Me? Apologize to her? She's the one who attacked me!"

"You were staring at her. A lot. Go apologize."

"I don't want to apologize!"

Joe dragged Matt's protesting body over to where Sora was sulking. "Apologize. Now."

Matt groaned again. Who knew that Joe could drag him that far? "Um, I'm sorry I was such a creep and kept staring at you." he mumbled incoherently.

"Hmph. Should I forgive him, Biyomon?" Sora asked her partner, who had come over by her to see if she was okay.

"What did he do?"

"He," Sora began, pausing for dramatic effect, "was staring at me." Joe noticed that she was trying not to laugh, but Matt was too busy worrying about getting the crap beaten out of him to tell. That figured.

Biyomon seemed puzzled. "Is that bad? I mean, how long was he staring? What does humon ettiquette say about this?"

Izzy, annoyed by both the conversation taking place right in front of him (did Sora _have _to go sulk by him?) and Tai hiding behind him, decided to contribute. "In some cultures it is punishable by death."

Tai let out a small squeak and left to go annoy Mimi. "Um, okay, but this isn't one of them," Matt replied nervously.

"I guess you should forgive him then," Biyomon said as if Matt wasn't even there. "He sounded quite sincere."

"All right, I forgive you, Matt, but don't do it again. Or else." Of course, it wasn't very threatening since she was smiling, but Matt breathed a sigh of relief anyways. Hastily mumbling a thank you, he ran off to make sure TK hadn't fallen off a cliff or forgotten how to breathe or something.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews! Don't expect me to update this too much, I only write when I get bored.**


	5. Kabuterimon's Electro Shocker

The children were wandering aimlessly through a sewer. It was really nasty down there and Tai's shoes were soaked with water. He was not happy about this.

"Stupid shoes, not being waterproof. Stupid water, getting in my stupid shoes." he grumbled as he splashed through the easiest to dodge puddle of all time. Everybody else had succeeded in avoiding the puddle, sorry, all of the water. Tai didn't seem to understand that stomping in every single pool of water they came to would make his shoes get all soggy and gross.

"Andromon sucks at giving directions. All he said was 'follow the underground waterway to the labyrinth'." Sora stated. They had finally reached a fork. One side filled with more water and the other...filled with more water. Great.

"Labyrinth? We're going to die down here, aren't we?" Joe lamented.

"If we're going to die down here then I need to quick give the summary first!" Tai put in.

"No." Izzy said.

"What'd'ya mean, no?" Tai

"It took you well over five minutes, not counting all the interruptions, last time. Summaries take way too long."

"You were timing me?" Tai was confused. The only time he actually got to recap their day they'd all been falling off that one cliff. No way that took over five minutes.

"It was a rather large cliff," Izzy said nonchalantly, creeping Tai out. Was the squirt a mind reader or something? "If we were falling at a velocity of ten feet per second and the cliff was at least three thousand feet high, then-"

"Ow! Ow! Stop it, you're making my brain hurt!"

"Fine, but only because I don't know what happened today and I want to find out."

"Anyone else have any comments before I actually start?" Tai asked. Nobody said anything so he started staring at a random patch of wall and started.

"After whatever Sora ended on, we found this really epic tree! It was extreme! So we all sat underneath the tree and Izzy took out his laptop. I started whacking it and he flipped out at me. Then Sora insulted my awesome haircut,"

"Get to the point, Tai." Matt. Why was he saying anything? Tai had already given everyone a chance to interrupt him, and no one took him up on his offer, so what gives?

"And FYI, Sora didn't insult your hair, she insulted your intelligence," Joe corrected.

"Shut up! I already gave you guys a chance to interrupt! Now, where was I?"

"Nobody wanted to interrupt you before you even started talking," TK piped up. At least he had the decency to explain himself.

"I saw some random smoke and thought to myself 'where there's smoke, there's telephones!' so then-"

"That didn't even make any sense!" TK again.

"It didn't need to, it's just what went through my head, ok?"

"No, I have to agree with him here. That made no freaking sense. We already found telephones and there was no smoke. At all." Izzy was the one who wanted the summary in the first place, so why did he need to interrupt Tai too?

"Shut up and let me talk! We all decided to go over and check it out."

Matt smirked. "Actually, you ran over and we all followed you because we thought you'd get lost or something."

"Ignoring that. It was a huge factory! There were buildings, and metal stuff, and smoke! I ditched the others with Sora and Joe and found Andromon. Andromon looks like an android. If you don't know what an android is, that's okay, neither do I. I only used the word because Joe said that Andromon looked like one. I'm pretty sure it's something sorta like a balloon."

"Not even close, Tai. An android is-" Izzy began before Tai cut him off. Ha!

"Don't care. He was asleep or something so I wanted to hit him over the head to wake him up. Sora and Joe thought that was a bad idea and were trying to stop me for some reason. Luckily, Agumon gave him a good hard whack for me."

"LUCKILY?" Sora and Joe shrieked in unison, abruptly stopping.

"Fine. Agumon woke him up, happy? So we stood there and hoped that he wouldn't be mad about the whole hitting him thing. He got really angry and started blasting the walls like BAM! BAM! BAM! We ran away and found everybody else. Andromon attacked TK and Garurumon happened. TK was saved but we almost died from the blast."

"No we didn't. It missed us by ten feet." Matt was getting defensive for some reason. Huh. Tai didn't really care though, so he continued.

"You remember it your way, I remember it my way. Greymon happened and they were fighting Andromon! It was extreme! Greymon and Garurumon were all like RAWR! Then Kabutarimon showed up for some reason and blasted the black gear." Tai finished his summary before anyone could say anything. He then started walking down the fork on the right, 'cause it was the right choice. Why had it taken so long for them to choose it? He continued along, splashing in the puddles and cursing his low-quality shoes. The group gave a collective sigh and followed. It was really peaceful for a few minutes, but stupid Matt ruined it by coughing. Who just does that?

"Matt, stop coughing! You're killing the mood!" Matt kept coughing. The only thing that had changed was now he was glaring at Tai. "Don't you know coughing is bad for your health?" Heh heh heh. Good one, Tai.

"Okay, first, that's not true. Second, your summary sucked," Izzy commented. What a jerk.

"Nuh uh! My summary was extreme! And if coughing isn't bad for your health, why do only sick people cough?"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." Joe responded.

"So, assuming all that stuff you said was somewhat true, you dragged Sora and Joe off to do something idiotic and pointless while I was charging my laptop. _And _you managed to almost get someone killed. All Matt, TK, and Mimi were doing was being ditched by you, but no, you had to go put them in danger!"

Tai looked suitably chastised, for once. "Huh. I guess I didn't think of it that way."

"Oh," Izzy remarked offhandedly, "I also may have accidentally hacked the Digital World, so if anything is more screwed up than usual, I apologize."

As the others stood there and gaped, Izzy continued on, unaware that he'd said anything surprising.

**AN: I didn't really feel like writing this, but then I remembered I'm supposed to be writing a paper. This is more fun. Procrastination ftw!**


	6. Togemon in Toy Town

The Digidestined were floating around in Monzaemon's heart shaped bubbles, not thinking about how or when they would land. "Soo... What just happened here?" Matt asked.

"I _got_ this one!" Tai shouted, "Um, um, so we were in this sewer singing _awesomely-"_

"No," Mimi said, turning up her nose at him.

"What'd'ya mean, no? I'm great at singing!"

"I mean, you didn't even do anything today. Let me give the summary. Also, you're a terrible singer."

"No I'm not! Listen!" Tai proceeded to sing a horribly off key song he didn't know the words to. Everybody clapped their hands to their ears to try and block out the mangled gibberish.

"Shut up! My ears are bleeding!" Sora yelled over the song.

"Nanala! La la la la la la, la la laaaaaa la... Show me your brave HEART!" he continued to sing. All of the bubbles popped and everyone fell. Tai kept singing along to the instrumentals. Matt tackled him to the ground.

"Let Mimi give the summary or I'll mess up your hair." Matt growled. That got Tai to be quiet. His hands shot to his hair to shield it from Matt's wrath. "Ok Mimi, go ahead."

"Thanks Matt! We were singing in a sewer and then we all started reminising about home. A huge group of scary, smelly, slimy, sludge-throwing slugs started chasing us! It was like totally scary! TK found a way out of the sewer and the Numemon didn't follow us for some reason. We walked around for a little bit and then we saw like 50 vending machines! I was thirsty so I wanted to buy a Coke, but Tai said 'Don't do that, it's stupid!' and I ignored him, as usual! I put my money in the machine and a Numemon came out! Then he hit on me and a giant army of Numemon chased us again! But the worst part was the vending machine didn't give me my money back!"

"Um, Mimi, impending death?" Izzy reminded her. "Little bit more important."

"Oh, right. Matt told us to split up and I actually listened to him because he's not a jerk like Tai."

"Hey!"

"You know, it's true," Joe muttered so Tai wouldn't hear him.

"Then me and Palmon were running, and Monzaemon showed up right in front of us so the Numemon ran away. Palmon lied and said he wouldn't attack us even though his eyes were all glowy and he kept telling us to come to Toy Town with him. We ran away and hid with some Numemon, one of them hit on me, which was _so _gross and I can't believe the nerve of him and no matter what I said he just kept following me! It was uber creepy."

Izzy felt the need to interrupt again. "You mean 'über', right?"

"That's what I said! Anyways, we went to Toy Town to see what was going on. You guys were all running around shouting about how much fun you were having while toys were chasing you and trying to kill you. Then we found a toy chest with all of your Digimon in it."

"I still don't see why you didn't just let us out," Tentomon complained. "It was very crowded in-" Gabumon gave a warning shake of his head. He didn't feel like explaining himself to _everyone._

Mimi looked confused, but continued, "Gabumon told Palmon to defeat Monzaemon and save everyone so we left and found him on a random street. He was holding a lot of balloons, and I mean a lot of balloons. There were blue ones, and like, I dunno, 99 red ones, and pink ones, and green ones, and there were a lot! He let aaaall of the balloons float away and started attacking us again!"

"I can't believe I have to say this again, but who gives a... darn? about what color the balloons were?" Joe glanced somewhat fearfully at Matt. Fortunately, Matt was too busy keeping Tai quiet to comment on his "bad language".

"Hmph. You know, _Sora _hasn't interrupted me yet. Some Numemon showed up out of nowhere and tried to save us, but it didn't work. Monzaemon attacked them all with his bubbley attack thing and then Palmon got ticked and Digivolved! Prob'ly 'cause our collective respect for them increased by, like, two percent. Then Togemon punched Monzaemon and he punched her and she punched him and it was awful! Luckily she shot a bunch of needles at him and the black gear fell out of his back. Then we all talked to him and blah blah blah Tai sang horribly and tried to steal my summary! Well ha! I finished!"

Tai finally spoke up. "That's not what happened at all! You left out the part where um, uh..." He couldn't think of anything.

"She didn't leave anything out, she did a better job than you do," Sora defended her.

"No! I am the king of recaps! What about when I said what color the fish were? That was vital stuff! And she stole it! Plagiarism! PLAGIARISM!" Matt tried to give him a noogie, but Tai's epic hair-defending skills blocked it.

"Like I said, nobody cares what color the fish are. It doesn't matter. It never will." Joe ranted.

"Nonsense! What if someone makes an anime about this someday? I bet _they'd_ want to know what color all of the fish were."

"If anyone made an anime about this, they'd change so many things that it wouldn't matter what color the fish are," Sora commented.

"But the fish would be one of the only things that they got right, so HA!" he said as he kept deflecting Matt's attacks on his hair.

"This is my only line!" TK shouted proudly. Everyone stared at him.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry for taking so long to update this, I blame my sister. She was taking too long to update her fic and she told me that she was going to force me to watch this episode with her once she updated. I hate this episode. It's boring, Mimi's voice annoys me, and it's less funny than Etemon. Also, the entire first half... just no. No.**


	7. Ikkakumon's Harpoon Torpedo

Tai, Sora, and Joe were climbing back down Infinity Mountain to the rest of the group.

"I can't believe you guys just ditched everyone," Joe grumbled.

"Us? You're the one who ditched us to go mountain climbing in the middle of the night!" Tai ranted, "I love stupid, dangerous stuff like that!"

"Save it for when we get back to the others, guys," Sora interceded before a fight could start on the cliff face. They made it to the campsite without saying another word. Joe laid down to try and get a few minutes of sleep, but Tai wasn't going to just stand back and let him rest. Rest was for pussies! He shook Joe even though he wasn't asleep yet.

"Joe! Joe! Wake up!"

"I'm not even sleeping, Tai." Joe sounded really tired and annoyed. "What is it?"

"Oh, um, why did you climb the mountain?"

"Don't tell me you're going to make me give one of those stupid summaries," he mumbled.

Tai snorted. "Of course I am! The world needs to know!"

"By the world, do you just mean you?"

"Nooo, I mean all of us. It matters." Tai glanced around and saw that nobody besides him and Sora was even awake. He'd fix that. "WAKE UP EVERYBODY, JOE NEEDS TO GIVE A SUMMARY!" Matt sat up and accidentally shoved TK's head into the ground.

"Five more minutes..." Mimi whined, rolling over onto her stomach.

"No! I'm trying to make Joe summarize. We all need to hear this," Tai ordered.

"All I want to know is why on earth you decided to wake us all up by screaming at the top of your lungs," Izzy complained.

Tai rolled his eyes. Wasn't it obvious? "Joe needs to give a summary because apparently he thinks that he doesn't need to!"

"That doesn't even make any sense, and I don't want to give a stupid recap of our day. We were all there for most of it," Joe pointed out.

"Doesn't matter, start at the part when snow happened."

"...why would I start there? We were all there. You don't need a recap."

"Because it's the beginning, duh! You suck at this." While this argument was going on, Tai wouldn't let anybody go back to sleep. Finally, Mimi got fed up with Tai violently shaking her every time she tried to lie down.

"Just give the summary so I can go back to sleep! I'm tired," Mimi snapped.

"Okay, fine. Earlier today-"

"I think you mean 'yesterday'. It's two in the morning," Izzy corrected.

"_Thank you_ for that. Yesterday it got really cold. Tai was flipping out because he thought that it might snow and snow is fun. Even though we all could die if we get stuck in the snow-"

Gomamon smirked. "Wow, way to be a downer, Joe."

"Just because it's depressing doesn't mean it's not true."

"Just because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it," Gomamon countered. Joe ignored him. They'd probably have this argument again later.

"Once again we followed Tai when he found random smoke in the distance. This time it led to some hot springs with a random fridge filled with eggs. I don't trust eggs that have been sitting out in the middle of nowhere for who knows how long, but everybody ignored me when I said that."

"They were in a fridge, they were totally fine. None of us got food poisoning or anything," Tai said.

Joe sighed, knowing that it would be pointless to argue. "We cooked all of the eggs and started eating. Why do I even need to talk about us eating eggs?"

"It was a very important event. Now keep talking," Tai demanded. He was beoming impatient. Again.

"Fine. I said something about missing home and we all talked about what we like on our eggs. I became convinced that Izzy, TK, and Mimi don't have taste buds." Joe had a look of revulsion on his face as he said this.

"Hey! Maple syrup and whipped cream tastes amazing on eggs!" Mimi defended herself.

Joe decided to just keep going. "Anyway, Matt and Tai-"

"You mean 'Tai and Matt', right?" Tai corrected.

"Are you serious? Matt and Tai-"

"Tai and Matt."

Joe sighed. "If I switch the names will you let me continue?"

Tai nodded and looked incredibly pleased with himself. "Fine. _Tai and Matt _started arguing over whether we should all climb Infinity Mountain or not. You asked me to decide since I'm the oldest but both of your ideas made sense so it took me longer than twenty seconds to decide."

"It should never take more than twenty seconds to decide anything!"

"Someone smack Tai in the head, please." Sora happily complied.

"Hey, that actually hurt!" He was smacked again. "Ow! Quit it! Or we'll just keep moving."

Sora also really wanted to go back to sleep, so she stopped.

"Thank you. Tai, you said that it was taking me too long so I got pulled into your argument. Sora broke it up, and we went to sleep. I decided to climb the mountain to see if it was safe and Gomamon wouldn't leave me alone."

"Yeah, well if I had left you alone you'd be a goner. Or maybe you wouldn't've gotten past the first four steps..."

"Thanks, Gomamon. When we were halfway up the mountain started shaking and spitting out black gears. I wanted to go check it out so we kept climbing. We reached the spot the gears had come out of, but nothing was there. Gomamon noticed that Unimon was coming, and told me that he's a good Digimon. It didn't make a difference if he was good or not since a black gear imbedded itself in his back. He attacked us, we ran. Tai and Sora showed up on Birdramon and rammed him into a cliff. Agumon digivolved and started to fight. Unimon beat up Greymon and Birdramon and Sora slid down another cliff to reach her. I jumped onto Unimon's back-"

"You _jumped_ onto Unimon's back?" Matt asked incredulously.

"Yes, pay attention. I tried to pull the black gear out-"

"Again, _you _tried to pry a black gear out of Unimon with your bare hands?" Matt still couldn't believe what he was hearing. He never knew Joe had it in him.

"I just said that, stop repeating me! He bucked me off and I started falling. Gomamon digivolved into Ikkukumon and caught me. Then he kicked Unimon's butt and we came back here. Can I go to sleep now?"

Tai pondered this. If he said no, he'd probably get hit again. But if he said yes, he'd look like a pussy. Then again, he could totally hide Matt's hair gel while he was sleeping. After approximately eighteen and a half seconds, he gave his reply. "Fine, go ahead."

The whole group immediately went back to sleep except for Tai. He needed to find Matt's hair gel, but he knew that if he started digging around now someone would notice. After staying still for about twenty-three minutes, a new personnal best, he figured that the coast was clear. Matt kept his hair gel on him at all times to prevent things like this happening, so he'd have to be extra careful. He crept over to where Matt and TK were cuddling. If Tai had a camera, he totally would've taken blackmail pictures. He spotted the tube that would've been too big to fit in Matt's pants pocket if it was full, but was crammed in there anyway. The only problem was TK's hand was too close to the gel for this to be easy. Tai stared at him for a few minutes, then decided that he wouldn't wake up. He pulled the tube out of Matt's pocket. Almost immediately, Gabumon's eyes snapped open. "Matt! Wake up! It's him!"

Okay, so maybe Gabumon hadn't really been sleeping. Tai hadn't expected Matt to use him as a guard, but that was the least of his problems. With almost superhuman speed (and somehow without waking TK), Matt grabbed Tai by the shirt collar. "Give it. Now," he growled, for once actually scaring Tai. He had no choice but to surrender the tube. "Good. Now go to sleep, or I'll squeeze all of _your _hair gel out on the rocks."

Grumbling, Tai did the right thing and sulked behind where Izzy was sleeping. Even he got to sleep, eventually... after five minutes of quiet whining.

* * *

**Author's Note: This is the best early episode by far, mostly because there's no Tai in a good chunk of it and Mimi isn't ruining it by constantly talking. I'm on summer vacation so I'm going to try to write a lot more and see if I can make it through season one by fall. Wish me luck!**

**THANK YOU for reading and reviewing. You should check out my sister Aurellia Faun's fics "Digimon Offscreen Adventure" and "Digimon Offscreen Adventure Zero Two". They're both Digimon fics about random things that they couldn't show in the anime and fixing plot holes. They alternate between hilarity and dark and depressing. She's also got a Percy Jackson fic that's been on hiatus for a while (and will stay that way until _Heroes of Olympus_ finishes), and two humor fics that I co-wrote. Oh, and this random Digimon one shot she wrote at 3 AM on New Year's Eve... Day... whatever. She shamelessly plugged my fics, so I'm returning the favor.**


	8. Evil Shows His Face

Tai and Agumon were floating on the chunk of island Leomon had shoved them onto.

"What a jerk! Leomon could've come with us! He's so awesome that our combined awesomeness would destroy Devimon." Tai complained to Agumon. There was nobody for him to summarize to, but that wasn't going to stop him!

He stared directly behind Agumon, causing his partner to turn around and look for what he was staring at. "Um, Tai?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"What are you looking at?"

"I'm not looking at anything. I'm about to recap our adventure!" Tai exclaimed with a creepy grin on his face.

Agumon was starting to worry about Tai's mental health. "...Why? We were both there and there aren't any other humons around."

"Because it's a tradition now. Matt, Izzy, Mimi, and TK finally caught up to me, Sora, and Joe at the top of the mountain. They're so slow! I was drawing an extreme map of the island so we wouldn't get lost anymore and Izzy, Matt, and Sora made fun of my map-making skills. Jerks. Do they have any idea how hard it is to draw a good map? I bet they don't." Tai paused. It just wasn't the same without somebody interrupting him. It was a nice change, but it just felt wrong. He glanced at Agumon, who was silently listening to him summarize, sighed, and continued.

"Some lion Digimon, Lionmon or something dumb like that-" Tai stopped, and waited. He'd gotten it wrong on purpose.

"Leomon," Agumon corrected.

Inwardly, Tai was overjoyed. To cover it up, he said, "Really? That's a stupid name. Leomon showed up and Gabumon talked about how awesome he was and how he wouldn't attack us. He lied. I'm starting to think that you guys just like lying to us."

"Hey! We didn't know that Devimon made him evil! Just like we didn't know all of those other Digimon had black gears!" Agumon protested.

"Whatever. Leomon said something about wanting us. And as much as I like being wanted, he didn't really want us. Devimon needs us for some reason. We ran away, because that's all we ever seem to do, but then tragedy struck! My map slipped out of my hand and the wind blew it toward Leomon! I ran after it and I seem to remember _you _burning it. Your attack didn't even hurt him, it just burned my map! We kept running when all of a sudden Ogremon-"

"Orgemon," Agumon said. "I think... that's what Tentomon said, anyways..."

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right. He said his name was Ogremon," Tai was secretly enjoying the interruptions. Sure, if Matt was here, a full-blown argument would've started by now. But he had to make due with who he had.

He waited to see if Agumon would continue the argument. Agumon was patiently waiting for Tai to finish the summary. Tai couldn't believe that anyone wouldn't take such a perfect opening for a fight. He was _really_ starting to miss the others now.

"Ogremon blocked the path so we were trapped between them. You guys all digivolved except for Patamon and were doing an awesome job of fighting them off when a stupid avalanche interrupted the fight. You blasted the rocks and gave Leomon and Ogremon time to escape. Then we started hiking back down the mountain. Everyone was getting tired but I didn't want to look like a wuss, so I waited for someone else to say they were tired.

"Then Joe saw a random mansion which he instantly trusted. We went inside and there was a picutre of an angel, so of course that meant the house was safe. Gabumon smelt food which made it seem even safer and more inviting! Joe ate a lot. I didn't know one person could eat that much at once, but he almost ate as much as Gomamon.

"And then we all decided to bathe, but Joe didn't want to in front of all the guys so Matt and I dragged him in. Then Gomamon flew in from nowhere and landed on his head and he fell over! It was hilarious! After that we all went to bed, and then we got up to go to the bathroom, and then-"

Finally, Agumon interrupted. "Devimon, Ogremon, and Leomon attacked, everyone got separated, and now we're here."

"Couldn't have said it better myself, buddy!" There was silence. Tai was desperately trying to think of something to say.

"Um... Have you ever seen the _Titanic_?" he asked.

"What's _Titanic_?"

"How do you not know what _Titanic _is? It's this movie-"

"What's a movie?"

"It's something you watch. It's a movie about this huge boat, and there's some stupid b-plot about love, and then it hits an iceberg and sinks! It's extreme!"

Agumon looked around and saw that there were lots of icebergs where they were floating. Tai was tempting fate by talking about hitting one. But when he mentioned this to his partner, he laughed and kept talking about random movies, whatever those things were.

* * *

**Author's Note: Great, I managed to shove a random line break under this author's note. I shoved in Joe being dragged into the bath from the sub because it was censored in the dub. Stupid censorship.**


	9. Subzero Ice Punch

Matt and Tai glared at each other, each determined to be the one to summarize their adventure.

Matt began, "So after Devimon-"

"Whoa, stop right there. I need to tell you about _my _day first." Tai stopped him before he could even finish a sentence.

"What makes you think that you should get to go first?" Matt challenged.

"Oh, nothing, I only crashed into an island covered in snow while I was only wearing my underpants-"

"That's nothing! _I _hiked through a blizzard to try and find my brother-"

"Ha! _I _fought a Frigimon with a black gear in its black _without _making Agumon digivolve. Top that." Matt couldn't top that, so he grudgingly let Tai start.

"So after me and Agumon crashed into the island, I got stuck in a snowbank. It sucked 'cause I wasn't wearing any clothes and snow is really cold. Agumon found my clothes for me, but they were frozen so he thawed them out for me. He _also _set my pants on fire." Matt glanced at Tai's completely unharmed pants. "They got better."

"I seriously doubt that your pants magically repaired themselves after getting hit by a fireball," Matt said doubtfully.

"No, he's telling the truth," Agumon spoke up for his partner, "his pants are just fast healers, like me. Hey! Maybe Tai's pants are a Digimon, too!"

"Sorry buddy, as awesome as Pantsmon would be, my pants aren't alive. After I put my pants on, I saw that the island was moving. Then a Frigimon attacked and Agumon couldn't digivolve for some reason so we ran away. The Frigimon punched some mailboxes and they froze. It started chasing us and I got an extreme plan to get it to leave us alone!" Matt gave Tai a really weird look.

"Hey, I can come up with plans!" Matt still didn't look like he believed him. "Agumon curled up like a ball so I could kick him over the Frigimon and he could burn the black gear-"

"There's no way that worked," Matt scoffed.

"It did too work! Agumon burned the gear to a crisp!"

"Don't the gears disolve or shatter or something after we hit them?"

"Not the point! The Frigimon told me to check this island out and made a bridge by punching the water. It was extreme! What'd you do before I showed up?"

"I was looking for TK and then a blizzard happened. Gabumon told me to stay in a cave since I don't have any fur. I ignored him and looked for TK some more. He caught a cold, and then you showed up. After finding you-"

"Frigimon left to go get some food and medicine. Then we got in a fight over-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?"

Tai stared at Matt like he was crazy. "I'm summarizing. Duh."

"You already talked about most of today! Let me finish," Matt complained.

"No! You're just jealous, 'cause Sora probably loves me more!" Tai shouted even though it had nothing to do with the argument. Matt's response was to punch him in the face again. They rolled around fighting until Gabumon and Agumon broke it up. After being lectured by their respective partners, Matt and Tai played rock-paper-scissors to decide who got to keep going.

"Ha! I won!" Tai did a little victory dance before continuing, "We got in a fight over whether we should look for the others or fight Devimon, which I was winning until you started crying. I'm not a jerk." Matt started awkwardly disguising a laugh as a cough. Tai didn't seem to notice.

"So I wouldn't hit someone who's crying. Then we fell off a cliff, I grabbed a branch, a Mojyamon attacked us, and we landed on Frigimon. We ate the food he brought back so Agumon and Gabumon could digivolve and kick Mojyamon's butt. It was awesome! Garurumon blasted some black gears in the mountain and the island turned around. So here we are."

"Here we are," Matt repeated.

They stood in silence for a while as the island sailed towards Infinity Mountain. Matt was worrying about TK, and Tai was thinking about how extreme it would be when they finally fought Devimon. He figured that Greymon would kick his butt before anyone else even had a change to digivolve. Then Sora would love him for sure!


	10. A Clue from the Digi-Past

Izzy kept ignoring Mimi. And she did not like that one bit.

"STOP IGNORING ME!" she finally screamed at the top of her lungs as she thwacked him on the head with her purse. That got his attention. "I'm starting to miss Tai's random comments..."

Izzy said nothing.

"You're still ignoring me! I wish I hadn't left the stupid island I was stuck on!" The island passed Sukamon and Chuumon. "...okay, maybe I'm glad I left."

"What happened?" he asked.

"Oh, those two Digimon were throwing poop at me, and they asked me out on a date!"

Izzy was surprisingly not too weirded out by this. Everything seemed to ask Mimi out on a date lately. "Okay... but I meant today in general."

"YOU WERE THERE! You already know what happened!" she exploded, prompting Palmon to try and calm her down. Then she heard Izzy's reply.

"Just because I was there doesn't mean I was paying attention." Of all the - so what, he was TK now? That kid had some serious attention issues.

"Don't you remember? Me and Palmon came over here, I asked you to help me find the others, you ignored me?!"

Izzy contemplated. "I ignored you a lot today, you'll have to be more specific." Tentomon facepalmed.

"The time I ran off crying and Tentomon followed me into the ruins?!" she screeched.

"_That_ time I remember. Good thing I'd just spent the past hour analyzing a map of the ruins."

At least he'd been doing _something _useful while he was ignoring her. Her anger forgotten for the moment, she asked, "So that's how you got the directions, but how were you able to tell me?"

"I messed around on my Digivice until I figured out how to call people with it."

That brought up an earlier incident and Mimi was getting mad at him all over again. "Why did you give me directions to a wall? I was running for my life from Kentarumon!"

"I didn't think you wanted to run all the way to the exit. It was four miles away."

"I would've ran twice as far!" Izzy gave her a weird look. "Okay, maybe you were right. But I thought I was going to die!"

"And I thought I was going to die when Togemon pinned me to the wall."

Mimi had to admit that he had a point there. "Lucky for us the wall exploded. Kentarumon was pretty nice once he didn't have one of those creepy black gears."

"Yeah, he told us everything I already knew about the Digivices. But not how to get the island to turn around..."

"Didn't it turn around when I kicked the big gear in the floor?"

"I have no idea why that worked, but it did."

There was silence for a little while.

Realization dawned on Mimi. "I must miss Tai more than I thought, we just gave a summary."

"Knowing Tai, he'll be the first person we see. Have you ever noticed how he's always first?" Izzy said absentmindedly, once again staring at his computer. Mimi promptly thwacked him in the head.

"Did you learn nothing?" she admonished.

"Well, I learned that Super Shockers hurt, and you're easily offended," Izzy replied without taking his eyes off of the screen.

Not even Tentomon or Palmon could save him from Mimi's wrath.

* * *

**Author's Note: Well, turns out I'm a total liar. I didn't even think about this fic for a month. At least this was the last episode I hate in the series. I've been busy with school, homework, and cross country, but I'll try to update this soon-ish.**


	11. The Dancing Digimon

Devimon was doing something he should've done a long time ago: beating up the Digidestined. It was the most pathetic battle ever. The children didn't even seem to be trying to defend themselves. One of them was just standing there, keeping his partner from joining the fray. The prophecy said that _this _was the one who'd defeat him? Pathetic! Suddenly, Devimon was hit by the first mildly effective attack in a while. Sora and Joe had finally decided to show up. He turned to face his new opponents, and everybody just stood there.

Tai was the first to do anything. "What took you so long?"

"Some..." Sora glanced at Joe, "_stuff _happened. I don't really want to talk about it."

"Let me try again, WHAT THE HECK TOOK YOU SO LONG?!"

"Shouldn't we be, oh, I don't know, _fighting Devimon _now?" Matt yelled.

"I can wait," Devimon conceded, folding his freakishly long arms across his chest. "There will be plenty of time to destroy you all later."

Everyone exchanged disturbed looks as Sora and Joe proceeded to play rock-paper-scissors to decide who had to give the summary.

"Ha! I won!" Joe shouted triumphantly.

"That means that you get to give the summary, right?" Tai asked.

"No, it means _I _have to tell everyone about what happened. Thanks a lot, Joe," Sora complained. "I might as well get started-"

"Why is giving the summary what the loser has to do?" Tai interrupted. "Shouldn't you want to tell us about every little thing that happened?"

Matt rolled his eyes. "I'm all for putting this battle off as long as possible. Take your time."

Sora ignored them and continued. "Me and Biyomon landed on a random island. I made a fishing pole out of a random fishing pole that was lying around and started fishing."

"I _never_ would've guessed you were _fishing_ with the _fishing_ pole." Izzy deadpanned.

"Well, I was. Suddenly, something tugged on my line-"

"Let me guess, it was a fish," Matt cut in.

"No, it was Joe. Gomamon told me that he and Joe were attacked by Ogremon. Gomamon digivolved and swam away, but he ran out of energy-"

"Not sure _how_ considering that he'd just eaten an entire food supply..." Joe muttered.

Gomamon tried to defend himself. "I was hungry, okay?"

"Ignoring that... so blah blah blah Gomamon had the terrible idea to make Joe the leader. Joe, you're the worst leader ever."

"In my defense, I was just doing what I thought Tai would do."

"Tai, why are you our leader?" Mimi asked innocently.

Tai posed dramatically. "I'm the leader! And my goggles are exciting!"

"So... you called it. I can live with that. We found a ridiculously creepy church, and like the idiots we are, decided to go inside. There were these Digimon disguised as humans, even though they shouldn't have known what humans look like, and blah blah we got captured by a giant mob of Bakemon."

"You're not that good at telling stories."

"Shut up! I don't even want to be talking about this! The Bakemon formed one huge Bakemon called Lord Bakemon. It was going to eat us or something, but our Digimon popped out of the floor and we ran out of the church."

"Bakemon are really stupid," Gomamon helpfully added. "Their names even sound like '_baka_'!"

"This next part is weird. Instead of running away further, Joe stopped behind a gravestone, said something about mind over matter, and started chanting random crap. I took off my hat and used it as a drum. For some reason this weakened the Lord Bakemon and it died... somehow. We rode over here on Birdramon and Ikkakumon, and now we're here."

"Didn't your island just turn around?" Izzy wondered.

"Why would that happen?"

"Ours did."

"So did ours," Matt replied, trying to stall for time.

"That would've been a lot more convenient," Joe said. They then stood there for a few awkward moments.

Devimon was still just standing there, listening. "Are you done?"

"I think so," TK answered, not noticing the others' varied frantic gestures and pleas. "I dunno, Sora, are you done?"

"I guess I am _now_," she grumbled.

"THEN DIE!" Devimon attacked Birdramon, and the battle started anew.


	12. Digibaby Boom

"Is Elecmon coming back _now_?" Patamon complained. He and TK had been trying to take care of seven hundred Digibabies for over three hours. Elecmon had told them he'd be back soon, but they were still waiting for him to bring back food in Primary Village.

"I'm sure he'll be here soon," TK said while desperately trying to get a baby to stop crying, "He promised."

Patamon kicked one of the squishy buildings. "Today was terrible!"

"Why? We got to play with all these babies!"

"We're stuck here with no idea how to find the others, as soon as we got here Elecmon attacked me, you wouldn't let me Digivolve, I had to play _tug-of-war. _Do you know how humiliating that was?"

TK looked like he'd been punched in the face. "I thought you liked tug-of-war…"

"No. Nobody likes tug-of-war."

"I like tug-of-war… it's fun!"

Patamon disagreed, but instead of starting another dumb fight like they'd been involved in earlier, he changed the subject. For all he knew, they could be stuck taking care of all of these babies forever. "Um… Elecmon just left us to take care of all these hungry babies without giving us any food or instructions?"

"We can handle it! We're a team!" Patamon was pretty sure TK didn't know how hard it was to take care of babies. He only knew how fun playing with babies was.

All the babies were still crying because TK didn't know what he was doing. Suddenly, he got an idea.

"Um, don't cry! Look, Patamon's being awesome!" he shouted while pointing at Patamon. All the Digibabies went dead silent and stared at him. Patamon wasn't doing anything awesome. He was sitting down, watching a butterfly. Once he noticed that all the Digibabies were watching him, he jumped backwards and hit one of the walls. He bounced off and pinballed back and forth between two buildings for a few minutes. All the babies started bouncing up and down and laughing.

"Great! Keep it up! Just until Elecmon comes back!" It was going to be a long day.

**Author's Note: Shortest. Summary. Ever. It didn't hurt that the whole episode is TK and Patamon screw around with some babies, Elecmon gets mad, tug-of-war, Elecmon ditches them, TK sucks at babysitting. Next update will finish out the Devimon arc, and I can move on to the most hated arc of the show: Etemon.**


	13. The Legend of the Digidestined

The Digidestined had just defeated Devimon, but nobody felt like celebrating. Angemon had just-

"That. Was. Extreme!" Except for Tai. He was stoked that they'd finally beaten Devimon. "When he was all 'rawr, I'm evil' and we were all like 'We gonna take you down!' and Ogremon-"

"Not now, Tai." Joe sighed. He was watching TK cradle Angemon's Digiegg, bawling his eyes out.

Tai looked offended. "What better time to give the recap than right after our epic battle?"

Everybody looked at him like he was crazy. Angemon just _died_, they were all tired, they didn't get randomly zapped back home, and there was a hologram of a creepy old guy watching them. So far they were ignoring it and hoping it would go away.

"It. Just. Happened. We don't need a reminder," Matt sputtered. "You don't need to sum up ever single thing that happens to us right after it happens!"

"I guess you're right," Tai admitted. Matt couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Maybe TK should get a turn!"

This was quite possibly _the_ worst idea Tai had since starting the summaries in the first place. Nobody ever wanted to give a summary, but TK was crying over his dead best friend. "Not exactly what I _meant_..."

"Hey, TK!" Tai called, "TK-TK-TK-TK-TK-TK-TK-TK-TK-TK-"

He looked up from the Digiegg. "Yeah?" he sniffed.

"You wanna give the summary? I bet it'll help you feel better~!" Tai sang.

"I-I dunno, b-but I guess I could t-try. This morning, at Primary Village, me an' P-Patamon were playing with the babies. But then Leomon tried to attack us. P-Patamon-" he started crying harder. The others made a silent agreement not to interrupt him, just in case Tai's idea worked.

When he picked up again, it was not at the spot where he left off. "-and then Leomon was good again, just 'cause my big brother is awesome!" _Not awesome enough,_ Matt thought. "He told us something about how we were supposed to save the world and go home. We went back to that huge mountain, and started fighting big super-evil Devimon. Joe and Sora fell out of the sky, and gave a summary. Then we were fighting again, which stank. Why do we always have to be fighting somebody? S-someone could get hurt like-" He broke down again, and it took ten minutes before he cried himself out. Matt _really_ wanted to punch Tai in the face for suggesting this, but didn't want to distract TK.

"S-sorry. I-I think I can keep g-going now. It was really hard, and Leomon showed up once to try to hit him, but Ogremon popped out of his stomach... or something... and he never came back. I really wish he'd stayed to help. Then maybe-"

"The continental malfunctions?" the creepy old man hologram chimed, causing the kids to jump.

"That thing's still here?" Mimi asked, "I thought it would be gone by now!"

Izzy poked the base of it with a stick. "That didn't make any sense. Maybe it's busted?"

"Just keep going and pretend it's not here." Sora advised. TK took a shaky breath and continued.

"He was trying to grab me, and no one could stop him. He swatted Patamon out of the sky, but then, right before he grabbed me, Patamon digivolved into Angemon! He was awesome! He saved all of us, but Devimon killed him. He told me he'd come back if I wanted him to, and I really, really do. Then I think he turned into this egg? And I'm gonna take super good care of it so he comes back soon! Oh, and the island reformed and that creepy guy showed up."

"That 'creepy old guy' has a name, y'know. I'm Gennai, and I have something very important to tell you, but not until the next episode." Gennai finally said something that made sense.

"Episode?" Matt asked.

Mimi looked excited. "I bet it's candy! Is it candy? My favorite type of candy is-" The group gave a collective sigh, even Palmon. At least Mimi had changed the subject.

**Author's Note: Happy New Year! I'm lazy, and haven't felt like updating, but since I'm not going to sleep tonight... New year, new arc. Time to start Etemon!**


	14. Departure for a New Continent

Whamon was almost to the horribly named continent of Server, and nobody had been forced to summarize yet. It was only a matter of time before Tai forced someone into it, but Matt had a better idea.

He looked around to make sure that no one was paying attention and shouted. "1, 2, 3, Not it!"

"Not it!" Tai instantly replied. "What am I not it for?"

"Not it!" TK practically screamed.

"Not it!" Joe bellowed.

"Not it!" For once Izzy was paying enough attention to not be it.

"Not it!" Mimi shrieked.

Sora touched her nose and crouched while saying, "Not it!"

Everyone else looked at her and saw that she was crouching, and immediately crouched.

"Dang it! What did I lose?" Izzy didn't even stand a chance. He would've been fast enough if everyone hadn't crouched when Sora did, but he was the last one to look over at her.

Matt fist pumped and said, "Sucks to be you, you have to give the summary!"

"No fair!" he and Tai cried at the same time.

"Rock-paper-scissors, best two out of three, winner gives the summary!" Tai challenged, glaring at Izzy.

Izzy shrugged, planning on losing so he wouldn't have to recap their day. Most people used rock, so he'd only use scissors. After Tai threw paper twice in a row, he was forced to sit back and let Izzy do the summarizing.

"Fine, I'll try to make this as short as possible. Gennai told us to fight something else over on Server, big surprise there, and somehow knows my e-mail. He said he doesn't know how to send us home, probably lying, and that we need to find tags and crests which are who-knows-where. He helpfully left, and all the Digimon we met helped us make a raft, which got eaten by Whamon as soon as we hit deep water."

"I said I was sorry," Whamon boomed.

"It's okay, you had a black gear. Oh, Poyomon hatched out of the Digiegg, so that was cool. After Tai used his Digivice to pull out the gear, you agreed to take us to Server. You conveniently knew exactly where the tags were hidden, and we easily defeated a Drimogemon with another black gear. I guess defeating Devimon didn't get rid of those. Poyomon found all of the tags in a box, we put them around our necks, and here we are."

Before anyone could say anything else, Whamon reached the shore.

* * *

**Author's Note: Nothing happened in this episode, it was the most filler filled thing in an arc made out of filler. Filler, filler, filler, filler, filler.**


	15. The Dark Network of Etemon

The Digidestined were, as usual, wandering aimlessly. They had just come out of the secret passage Tai's crest opened up. A discussion about the crests was underway.

"Do you think the crests will all open up secret passages or is Tai just special?" Izzy wondered.

Tai fiddled around with his crest and replied. "That old guy never did tell us what these were actually supposed to do, so maybe. More importantly, I have a new shiny necklace and am definitely special."

"We'll all have those soon enough, it doesn't make you special," Sora countered.

"Of course it does, I found mine first! Do you want to hear the story of how I found it?"

"No-" everyone but Tai said in unison.

"So, earlier today Whamon found the continent. Yay, Whamon! He told us to find a village of mini Agumons-"

"They were Koromon, and I'm pretty sure the plural of 'Agumon' is 'Agumon'," Izzy interrupted.

"This is no time for a grammar lesson, Izzy! I'm telling a story here. Agumon smelled out the village, but there were no mini Agumons there at all-"

"Were you even listening to me? I just told you-"

"Doesn't matter. Story time. Instead there were Pagumon! DUN DUN DUN! They stole Mimi! DUN DUN DUN!"

"I was taking a bath!" Mimi complained.

"We bravely followed after them and found your hat lying on the ground, when Sora started telling me and Izzy not to keep going! But I never give up-"

"You really should've, Mimi has a pretty good arm," Joe pointed out.

"It's not my fault she threw stuff at me!"

"It WAS!" Mimi snapped.

"Ignoring that! Then we had a party and Baby Patamon evolved-"

"I digivolved!" Tokomon said proudly.

"Yes, very good."

Suddenly Matt remembered something super important. "Did anybody else notice the Christmas tree in the room where we were eating?"

"Oh yeah, that thing was weird. No way we've been here long enough for it to be Christmastime." TK commented.

"What's Christmas?" Gabumon asked.

"GUYS! STORY. TIME. Stop changing the subject! We all slept, and when we woke up smaller Patamon-"

"His name is Tokomon!" TK protested.

"Who's telling the story here? You? I didn't think so. Smaller Patamon was gone! Agumon used his nose to lead us to a secret waterfall cave where he was in a cage with the talking pink heads."

"Tai, you know what Koromon are," Agumon pointed out.

"I know, but this gives my story more dramatic flair. The Pagumon stole the village from the Koromon and while you were trying to free them, you were caught by the greyrabbitmon! You cleverly used your fireball attack to create a signal so I could find you. The Pagumon pathetically tried to stop us, but they kinda suck. You evolved and kicked greyrabbitmon butt! It was awesome! Then an orange Elvis-impersonating monkey showed up and started attacking the village. Everyone evolved and tried to stop him, but they were all REJECTED!"

"I still don't get how that was even possible," Sora grumbled.  
"Maybe it had something to do with all those black cables?" Izzy questioned.

"Or it could be because he's a monkey." Agumon said, not quite understanding what a monkey was. But if Tai thought Etemon looked like one...

"Moving on, the pink heads took us to a secret-er safe spot in the waterfall cave where my tag started glowing like crazy! Then this tunnel opened up and here we are! And that's the story of how I got my crest."

"Please tell me you won't make all of us tell stories about how we find our crests." Joe whined.

"With Tai?" Sora asked skeptically.

"No way!" Matt added.

"Do you even have to ask?" Izzy droned.

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm not dead! Yay, not dying! I haven't updated this in a long time, and I'm not going to give you an excuse for that. But it's 2016 now so I'm going to post around 5 chapters today. We'll see what happens.**


	16. The Arrival of SkullGreymon

Tai was pounding his fist into the ground while he insulted himself with every word he knew that was even slightly bad. Everyone else was just standing around waiting for him to get up so they could keep moving.

"Maybe if Tai gives a summary he'll feel better?" Mimi suggested.

Tai started wailing. "I'm worthless! I'm a scumbag! I'm the biggest jerk ever..."

"I don't think that's going to work. Do you think he'd be more willing to move on if someone else did it?" Sora asked.

She turned to look at Joe who was only now realizing that as the person who just found their crest, he had to give the recap. "Dang it. Are we sure Tai can't just do it?"

"I'm stupid! A waste of space! A dunderhead..."

"We're sure. Just suck it up and tell us about why Tai's acting this way," Matt ordered.

Joe let out a sigh. "I'm never sure where to start these things, about where Tai left off?" Not hearing anyone complaining, he started, "Tai was showing off with his crest and talking about how we couldn't possibly lose with its power. Then he tried to activate it by feeding Agumon all of our food."

"That made a little sense, seeing as Digimon can't digivolve without energy so giving him energy would make him able to digivolve, but he still got rid of _all _of our food," Izzy mused.

"I'm a terrible partner! A goofball! A butt-faced moron!" Tai was getting louder.

"If he's not even paying attention, can I just be done? It's not like any of us were missing or anything," Joe complained. After seeing the death glares being sent his way, he decided it was in his best interest to keep going. "Sora, you were talking about how Tai was nicer in soccer club, but your story just made him sound like a glory-hogging jerk-"

"I'm a glory-hogging jerk! An idiot! A pile of crap!"

"See, he's paying attention! He just used the same insult you did," Mimi said cheerfully.

"That's... not what we were going for but at least he knows what we're saying. Sora was right about him acting weird even since he got the crest, though. My tag glowed, we found the soccer coliseum, and you started up a humans vs. Digimon soccer game while me and Gomamon looked for the crest."

"That game was so unevenly matched. We probably should have done a better job explaining how to play soccer to our partners before we started playing," said Sora.

Izzy laughed. "You think? Maybe remembering that kicking a soccer ball is really hard without decently long legs would have helped too."

"As great as this conversation is, I've got a lot of stuff left to go over and I'd appreciate being able to just get it over with. Tai kicked away your ball and we all got trapped under the goal I thought my crest was in. Etemon sent out a Greymon and Tai had Agumon digivolve. Tentomon flew into the net, learning that it was electrified."

"I'm a spaz, a nub, a bad person!"

"That really hurt." Tentomon said indignantly.

"I'm not saying it didn't. I think Tai's running out of insults, he must be burning out his guilt trip." Joe remarked.

TK cheered. "That means it's working!"

"We tried digging out of the goal, but there was a rock in the way. It turned out to be my crest which opened a tunnel back to the pitch-"

"Are we _sure_ that these crests aren't just elaborate lock picks?" Izzy asked.

"No. Please shut up, I'm almost done. Tai's Greymon was losing the fight, so Tai tried to force the evolution and he already regrets that enough, I'm not going to make it worse by talking about it. Tai and Koromon both apologized to each other, and here we are."

Tai took a long, shuddering breath. "O-out... of insults... Koromon, I'm so, so sorry..."

"Tai... I forgive you... for the fourth time," Koromon said weakly.


	17. The Crest of Sincerity

"Oh joy, we're in the desert again, land of the crests." Joe said. The group was wandering in the desert for the third time in a row.

"My crests are elaborate lock picks theory is officially dead, unless Mimi's poofed the giant cactus into existence? But that doesn't make any sense, that's where she found it..." Izzy pondered.

"What part of today made _sense_? It started with a cruise ship coming out of nowhere and picking us up in the middle of the desert. That was the least weird thing that happened today!" Sora ranted.

"Actually, we all have really bad sunburns, that's a normal thing." Joe pointed out.

"That doesn't count. The captain of the ship looked like a human but later turned into a giant cockatrice! How did that huge thing fit in there? And the crew was a bunch of Numemon wearing sailor suits, which were hideous," Mimi complained.

"The Numemon or the suits?" Tai wondered.

"Both. While you guys were off doing whatever, Sora and I were showering," Mimi continued.

"I didn't know there were showers on the ship. I just went for the food," Izzy admitted.

"Being in a pool counts as showering, right?" Tai asked.

"You boys are disgusting! Pools and showers are not the same thing! Kokatorimon stole all of your Digivices and tags, petrified your partners, and while he was busy tying you guys to the riggings Sora and I started running. He kept trying to petrify Palmon and Biyomon, but he was no match for both of them after they digivolved. He went blasting off again, or so we thought. After we finished untying everyone and getting off the boat, Kokatorimon somehow got control of the boat and was trying to run us over. Then a giant cactus showed up, slingshotted away the boat and Kokatorimon, and revealed my crest. Now we get to wander around in the stupid desert some more until we trip over someone's crest!" Mimi finished.

"Hopefully it's that easy this time, I don't want any more surprises," Matt grunted.

"You fool! You've doomed us all!" Sora exclaimed.

"What could possibly go-" Matt was cut off by everybody dog-piling onto him.

Tai told him off. "If you're going to keep tempting fate, you lose your talking privileges."


End file.
